My WordPress Blog
If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person. This means you […]
If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person.
This means you had no role models for how to treat your partner or what effective communication looks or sounds like. And so, you find yourself flailing, hoping things will get better with your partner but not really knowing what you can do.
The key to a healthy relationship, hands down, is good and respectful communication. If you are currently working toward mending your relationship, here are some communication tips that will help the two of you grow closer:
We live in the age of technology, which means most of us has our head buried in our phone or tablet just about 24/7. This hinders good communication.
When you are speaking with one another, make sure to give your full attention to what the other person is saying. Turn the TV off, put the phone down, and make eye contact.
There are those relationships that suffer because one person has been unfaithful. But oftentimes, a broken relationship is the result of two broken people. Take responsibility for your part in the trouble. Admit to your mistakes and commit to trying harder.
It’s not easy to hear someone say negative things about your behavior but resist the urge to cut off your partner when they are saying something you don’t like or agree with.
Yelling and shouting is not a form of effective communication. Do your best to refrain from raising your voice at all. It may sound too simplistic, but it really does help to stop and take a slow, deep breath when you feel your anger rising.
When your partner is talking, you should be hearing every word they say, not thinking about how you are going to respond. Many people are bad listeners. Listening is a skill you will have to develop over time, but why not start now?
If you follow these communication tips you’ll have a much better chance of reconnecting with your partner and making things work. And if you’d like to find a therapist that can guide you in your recovery, please reach out to me. I would be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
The recent global pandemic caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface. But, since many states are still in lockdown mode […]
The recent global pandemic caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface.
But, since many states are still in lockdown mode and residents are still practicing social distancing, how can couples facing these issues get the help they need? Through online therapy.
Online couples therapy offers the same benefits as face-to-face therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting the help and support you need at home. Usually, sessions are held via video chat and with the couple in the same location. However, online couples therapy can be particularly beneficial for those couples who are dealing with the stress of living apart because of long-term hospitalization or military deployment.
Besides the lockdown or being apart from your spouse, what are some other reasons couples may choose to try online therapy as opposed to face-to-face therapy?
Online therapy follows a similar model to traditional therapy and in most cases, therapists do nearly everything online that they do in person. The only real difference is that it may take a little bit longer to get comfortable with each other, as human beings tend to connect more when they are in each other’s physical space. But once the connection has been made and everyone feels comfortable, there is no real difference in how sessions are conducted.
While online couples therapy can be very effective and beneficial to a majority of couples, there are those situations when it would not be suitable. For instance, in the case of domestic violence. Couples therapy, whether online or over the internet, treats both partners as equal in the relationships and aims to save the marriage. But when there are abuse and violence, the partners are not equal (ie, partners are not contributing equally to the problems) and the goal should not be to keep a victim in a dangerous relationship.
Some other instances where online therapy may not be suitable:
Again, for a majority of couples, online therapy can be very beneficial and even preferred. If you’d like to explore treatment options and do so online, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase […]
In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase I hear is, “I just don’t think I can ever trust them again.”
The initial shock of infidelity cuts deep. Knowing your partner has broken your trust in such a profound way can completely turn your world upside down.
Whether or not a couple can recover from infidelity depends on the two individuals and the bond they have already built. It also depends on the exact circumstances of the affair. Was it a drunken one-night stand on a business trip or an affair that lasted for years? Were love and intimacy involved, or was it merely a physical occurrence?
What I can tell you is that for those couples who want to try and stay together, it will take work on both of their parts. But healing can happen.
Recovery must begin with an absolute ending to the affair. All ties must be cut before the work can begin. Should the affair continue behind the scenes, in my experience, the relationship is very unlikely to succeed.
The second step to recovery is for the deceiver to be able to move past defensiveness and guilt so they make talk openly and transparently about what happened. This is a time when the “guilty” party will have to be humble, acknowledge their wrong-doings, and answer their partner’s questions.
Next, there must be a shared understanding of what led to the affair in the first place. Were there issues in the marriage that led to the affair? If so, these will need to be tackled.
In order for the deceived spouse or partner to be able to begin healing, they will need to feel genuine compassion from their partner for having caused them pain. There is typically a knee-jerk reaction to not want to accept the cheater’s apologies or compassion. This can be seen as a way to “get back.” But understand that doing so only holds you back from healing.
The person that was deceived will also need to explore all of their feelings surrounding the betrayal. Usually shock, rage, fear, sadness, and distrust are the main emotions a person will need to work through.
At a certain point, you both will need to decide whether you will stay together. If you choose to, you will need to work on rebuilding that trust.
As you can see, the process of recovery is a complex one and will require that you work with a marriage counselor to help you navigate the strong emotions involved. But, through commitment and work, many couples can stay together and even have a stronger bond than they did before.
If you would like to seek counseling for infidelity, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
When we first fall in love with that special someone, we want to spend all of our time together. In fact, we seem to feel better when we are with our significant other. This is the infatuation stage, and admittedly, it feels really good. But enduring relationships move past this stage and into a place […]
When we first fall in love with that special someone, we want to spend all of our time together. In fact, we seem to feel better when we are with our significant other.
This is the infatuation stage, and admittedly, it feels really good. But enduring relationships move past this stage and into a place of mutual respect and care. This will require each partner to give the other space to be their own individuals.
First, what does it really mean to be an independent individual? It means you know how to be your own person, whether you are single or in a relationship. It means while you make the effort to make your partner happy, you also ensure that you continue to do the things you enjoy that bring you happiness.
The following are just some of the reasons why there should always be independence in a relationship:
When you lack independence and don’t have a solid sense of yourself, you can come across as “clingy” or needy. If you want to be around your partner 24/7 and they are wanting space, your neediness can drain their energy.
When the two of you stay independent, you give each other the opportunity to grow as individuals, which then can lead to growth as a couple.
Independent people are strong people, and strong people can be counted on when it matters most. When you are both strong individuals, you can lend that support when the other needs it.
Most of us demanded our independence when we were in our teens and early 20s. But life happens, and we can often lose that independent spirit and lose our own identities. If you need some help reconnecting with yourself so that you may one day enjoy a beneficial partnership, please get in touch with me. I’m more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.
SOURCES:
You’ve probably heard about the many benefits that nutritious foods can offer for your physical health—for example, eating a healthy diet can strengthen your bones, support your immune system, and lower your risk of developing cancer, heart disease, and various other conditions. But did you know that your diet can also affect your mental health? […]
You’ve probably heard about the many benefits that nutritious foods can offer for your physical health—for example, eating a healthy diet can strengthen your bones, support your immune system, and lower your risk of developing cancer, heart disease, and various other conditions. But did you know that your diet can also affect your mental health? Below, we discuss how your diet can impact you mentally, and we also explore which foods to eat to avoid depression.
Certain nutrients have been shown to reduce the risk of depression. For example, antioxidants help remove free radicals from the body—thereby lowering the chances of developing anxiety and depression—and vitamins B-12 and B-9 support the brain and the nervous system. Vitamin D, omega-3 fatty acids, probiotics, protein, selenium, and zinc can also improve the symptoms of depression.
Many studies suggest that eating a diet rich in the following foods may help prevent depression:
You should also take care to avoid eating the following foods on a regular basis (moderation is key):
If you’re struggling with depression, we can help. We have extensive experience treating this condition, and in addition to discussing the link between diet and depression, we can offer tips on other lifestyle changes you can make to help manage your symptoms. Contact us today to get started.
Co-parenting can present obstacles at any time of the year, but it tends to be especially difficult on birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions. Here are a few tips for how to approach your next big event: Decide on a schedule ahead of time. Chances are good that your co-parenting schedule will already be laid […]
Co-parenting can present obstacles at any time of the year, but it tends to be especially difficult on birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions. Here are a few tips for how to approach your next big event:
Do you and your ex-partner often struggle to co-parent the child or children that you share? Our therapists know how difficult co-parenting can be—especially on birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions—and we’ll draw on our many years of experience to provide you with helpful advice on how to approach this situation. Contact us today to schedule your first therapy session.
Perfectionism—the tendency to demand flawlessness from yourself or others—can often be a positive quality. Perfectionists tend to be highly motivated and ambitious, and thanks to their close attention to detail and their willingness to work long hours, they often excel at school and in the workplace. However, perfectionism also has a downside. In some cases, […]
Perfectionism—the tendency to demand flawlessness from yourself or others—can often be a positive quality. Perfectionists tend to be highly motivated and ambitious, and thanks to their close attention to detail and their willingness to work long hours, they often excel at school and in the workplace.
However, perfectionism also has a downside. In some cases, perfectionists can be overly critical, taking an all-or-nothing mindset and failing to accept anything that doesn’t meet their (sometimes unattainable) standards, no matter how much time and effort went into the work. Perfectionists also tend to base their own self-worth on their performance abilities, which can be damaging if they don’t deliver perfect results. In fact, studies have shown that perfectionists often experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, and are more likely to become burned out.
Perfectionism can be difficult to overcome, but it’s possible to do so. Here are some tips for how to manage perfectionist tendencies:
Do you suspect that you might be a perfectionist? If so, we invite you to schedule an appointment with one of the knowledgeable therapists at our practice. We’re highly experienced in treating patients who struggle with perfectionism, and we can supply you with personalized advice that will help you embrace imperfection and improve your quality of life. Contact us today to get started.
Many people think of burnout as simply being incredibly tired after a long week or month of work or school studies. But burnout is much more than a physical exhaustion; it has in fact been called the “triad of depersonalization, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of detachment.” Here are some additional signs of burnout: Pessimism Pessimism […]
Many people think of burnout as simply being incredibly tired after a long week or month of work or school studies. But burnout is much more than a physical exhaustion; it has in fact been called the “triad of depersonalization, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of detachment.”
Here are some additional signs of burnout:
Pessimism
Pessimism is a major red flag that someone is experiencing burnout. And they won’t just feel pessimistic about whatever it is that is causing them big stress (job, school, relationship), they will feel pessimistic about life and the world at large.
Sleep Issues
Burnout makes it incredibly hard to get a good night’s rest. Either a person finds it hard to fall asleep, lying there wide awake for hours, or they fall asleep but then wake up throughout the night. When we don’t get enough quality sleep, it makes it difficult to cope with stress, which makes it hard to sleep, and the vicious cycle continues.
Sudden Physical Ailments
A major sign of burnout is suddenly experiencing physical symptoms that you never have before. For instance, many of my clients, with no prior history of GI upset or headaches, will begin to have chronic issues.
Burnout shouldn’t be taken lightly. You shouldn’t try to ‘tough it out’ and get on with things. Now is the time to make your mental health a priority. If you would like to speak with someone about what has been bothering you, please reach out to me.
Sources:
https://www.everydayhealth.com/burnout/unusual-signs-of-burnout/
https://positivepsychology.com/burnout/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/burnout
Psychotherapy can be a powerful vehicle for personal transformation. By speaking with a trained therapist in a safe and confidential environment, a person has the opportunity to explore their inner world and gain an understanding of their behaviors. Research has now shown that individual psychotherapy can be highly effective at improving the symptoms of a […]
Psychotherapy can be a powerful vehicle for personal transformation. By speaking with a trained therapist in a safe and confidential environment, a person has the opportunity to explore their inner world and gain an understanding of their behaviors.
Research has now shown that individual psychotherapy can be highly effective at improving the symptoms of a wide range of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and OCD. It can also be beneficial for families, couples and groups.
More and more people are embracing the potential of psychotherapy in their life, but many are confused which is the right type for them. The following are some of the most common types of psychotherapy to give you a better idea of your options:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most used modalities in therapy. CBT is effective because it looks at the relationship between an individual’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It is a very empowering form of psychotherapy and works on a variety of issues such as depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders and schizophrenia.
Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) has been used successfully for decades to treat PTSD. EMDR works by reducing the emotional distress that has been stored away in the brain from past traumas.
In each EMDR session, a trained therapist assists their client in performing a series of back and forth repetitive eye movements that essentially find the lingering traumatic emotions and disarm them.
Interpersonal Therapy
Interpersonal therapy focuses on improving the relationships an individual has with others. In these sessions the trained therapist helps their client evaluate their social interactions to recognize any negative patterns. Patterns can include social isolation and aggression. The goal is for the person to learn strategies for interacting positively with others.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of types of psychotherapy. But if you are interested in learning more about psychotherapy and would like to explore treatment options, I would be happy to speak with you. Please feel free to give my office a call.
SOURCES:
https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Psychotherapy
https://psychcentral.com/lib/types-of-psychotherapy
https://positivepsychology.com/types-of-therapies/
For as long as there have been human beings on this planet, there have been people who took a walk when they were feeling a strong negative emotion. There is just something so beneficial about walking. It seems to calm us down and clear our head so we can think from a calm and logical […]
For as long as there have been human beings on this planet, there have been people who took a walk when they were feeling a strong negative emotion. There is just something so beneficial about walking. It seems to calm us down and clear our head so we can think from a calm and logical state instead of an emotional one.
So it makes complete sense that some people would be drawn to walk and talk therapy.
What is Walk and Talk Therapy Exactly?
Walk and talk therapy is a type of outdoor therapy and it is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of sitting in an office environment with your therapist, the two of you get out into the great outdoors and have your session during a lovely walk in nature.
Why Try It?
There are a variety of reasons to give this form of talk therapy a try. To start, it can be hard for some people to process their emotions while sitting still. Our bodies seemed to be designed to move while processing emotions.
Second, many people find the traditional talk therapy format awkward. Sitting in a tiny space with your therapist staring at you as you try and open up and bare your heart and soul is not an easy thing to do. But walking side by side while looking at beautiful nature helps make someone feel calm and open. There’s no doubt nature can be very healing, which makes it the perfect space for therapy.
What Can Walk and Talk Therapy Help With?
Walk and talk therapy can be very effective at treating numerous mental health issues such as:
Is Walk and Talk Therapy Right for Me?
If you enjoy being out in nature and are interested in a holistic approach to mental health, then walk and talk therapy may be a great fit for you. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety or are having a hard time processing your emotions and are interested in giving this form of therapy a try, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.
SOURCES:
https://welldoing.org/article/what-is-walk-and-talk-therapy
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/walk-and-talk-therapy/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/walk-and-talk-therapy-new-york-ny/52552