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If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person. This means you […]
If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person.
This means you had no role models for how to treat your partner or what effective communication looks or sounds like. And so, you find yourself flailing, hoping things will get better with your partner but not really knowing what you can do.
The key to a healthy relationship, hands down, is good and respectful communication. If you are currently working toward mending your relationship, here are some communication tips that will help the two of you grow closer:
We live in the age of technology, which means most of us has our head buried in our phone or tablet just about 24/7. This hinders good communication.
When you are speaking with one another, make sure to give your full attention to what the other person is saying. Turn the TV off, put the phone down, and make eye contact.
There are those relationships that suffer because one person has been unfaithful. But oftentimes, a broken relationship is the result of two broken people. Take responsibility for your part in the trouble. Admit to your mistakes and commit to trying harder.
It’s not easy to hear someone say negative things about your behavior but resist the urge to cut off your partner when they are saying something you don’t like or agree with.
Yelling and shouting is not a form of effective communication. Do your best to refrain from raising your voice at all. It may sound too simplistic, but it really does help to stop and take a slow, deep breath when you feel your anger rising.
When your partner is talking, you should be hearing every word they say, not thinking about how you are going to respond. Many people are bad listeners. Listening is a skill you will have to develop over time, but why not start now?
If you follow these communication tips you’ll have a much better chance of reconnecting with your partner and making things work. And if you’d like to find a therapist that can guide you in your recovery, please reach out to me. I would be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.
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The recent global pandemic caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface. But, since many states are still in lockdown mode […]
The recent global pandemic caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface.
But, since many states are still in lockdown mode and residents are still practicing social distancing, how can couples facing these issues get the help they need? Through online therapy.
Online couples therapy offers the same benefits as face-to-face therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting the help and support you need at home. Usually, sessions are held via video chat and with the couple in the same location. However, online couples therapy can be particularly beneficial for those couples who are dealing with the stress of living apart because of long-term hospitalization or military deployment.
Besides the lockdown or being apart from your spouse, what are some other reasons couples may choose to try online therapy as opposed to face-to-face therapy?
Online therapy follows a similar model to traditional therapy and in most cases, therapists do nearly everything online that they do in person. The only real difference is that it may take a little bit longer to get comfortable with each other, as human beings tend to connect more when they are in each other’s physical space. But once the connection has been made and everyone feels comfortable, there is no real difference in how sessions are conducted.
While online couples therapy can be very effective and beneficial to a majority of couples, there are those situations when it would not be suitable. For instance, in the case of domestic violence. Couples therapy, whether online or over the internet, treats both partners as equal in the relationships and aims to save the marriage. But when there are abuse and violence, the partners are not equal (ie, partners are not contributing equally to the problems) and the goal should not be to keep a victim in a dangerous relationship.
Some other instances where online therapy may not be suitable:
Again, for a majority of couples, online therapy can be very beneficial and even preferred. If you’d like to explore treatment options and do so online, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase […]
In my time as a marriage counselor, there is probably one statement I have heard more than any other, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase I hear is, “I just don’t think I can ever trust them again.”
The initial shock of infidelity cuts deep. Knowing your partner has broken your trust in such a profound way can completely turn your world upside down.
Whether or not a couple can recover from infidelity depends on the two individuals and the bond they have already built. It also depends on the exact circumstances of the affair. Was it a drunken one-night stand on a business trip or an affair that lasted for years? Were love and intimacy involved, or was it merely a physical occurrence?
What I can tell you is that for those couples who want to try and stay together, it will take work on both of their parts. But healing can happen.
Recovery must begin with an absolute ending to the affair. All ties must be cut before the work can begin. Should the affair continue behind the scenes, in my experience, the relationship is very unlikely to succeed.
The second step to recovery is for the deceiver to be able to move past defensiveness and guilt so they make talk openly and transparently about what happened. This is a time when the “guilty” party will have to be humble, acknowledge their wrong-doings, and answer their partner’s questions.
Next, there must be a shared understanding of what led to the affair in the first place. Were there issues in the marriage that led to the affair? If so, these will need to be tackled.
In order for the deceived spouse or partner to be able to begin healing, they will need to feel genuine compassion from their partner for having caused them pain. There is typically a knee-jerk reaction to not want to accept the cheater’s apologies or compassion. This can be seen as a way to “get back.” But understand that doing so only holds you back from healing.
The person that was deceived will also need to explore all of their feelings surrounding the betrayal. Usually shock, rage, fear, sadness, and distrust are the main emotions a person will need to work through.
At a certain point, you both will need to decide whether you will stay together. If you choose to, you will need to work on rebuilding that trust.
As you can see, the process of recovery is a complex one and will require that you work with a marriage counselor to help you navigate the strong emotions involved. But, through commitment and work, many couples can stay together and even have a stronger bond than they did before.
If you would like to seek counseling for infidelity, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps […]
When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps in the road every so often, other couples find themselves in bigger trouble, with neither party knowing exactly how to fix things.
If you are in a relationship that is no longer feeling healthy, here are 5 warning signs that it may be time to try couples counseling:
Once you have a communication breakdown, you are unable to rationally share thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. Beyond this, unhealthy communication tends to leave one or both partners feeling depressed, angry and hopeless.
When there has been infidelity, it is very difficult for the couple to rebuild trust and repair the damage. While there is no magic pill to recover from an affair, a therapist can offer tools and strategies to rebuild trust.
If you and your partner act more like roommates than romantic partners, this indicates a lack of intimacy and a potential need for professional help.
You try to mask your real feelings for as long as possible, but then you start to act out the hurt and resentment you may be feeling. For instance, if your partner has been unfaithful and you have agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out. But over time you find yourself lashing out, acting rude and trying to make them believe you are having an affair so they will feel the same kind of hurt. This acting out is unhealthy for both people and is a BIG indicator you need to seek some help.
A break from negative energy can be very helpful to the relationship. But when a temporary break leads to more and more time away from home and someone renting their own apartment, this indicates a need for counseling. Spending time away from home usually doesn’t lead to any real resolution, just more distance.
If you and your partner are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.